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lady_moonpie's journal
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Iaka Crystalune's Journal  my horoscope told me that if I have my eye on someone I think is " the one" that this week is the week to do something about it sooooooo shit it feels like I'm always waiting..it's like I work and do things to get to an end result. I find myself saying to myself...just get through work today and then it'll be ok and then get through this..and that etc etc..and then today I followed the trail of just get throughs in my mind and I couldn't figure out what I was getting through for. I couldn't think of anything except..when I'd finally be able to rest...and then I figured out that the time I will get to rest my messed up brain is when I'm dead. It wasn't really a sad thought..but not perfectly pleasant either. Sick of being disappointed. in myself and the flow of things Mostly I'm sick of all this negativity in me and everywhere I go ~ladymoon~ Current mood:  getting sick.
Todays events as well as todays dinner pale greatly in comparison to yesterdays when I took an hour nap at school on three chairs I pushed together and woke up to eat two slices of pizza and drink a large chocolate milk. Today there was no veggie pizza..no veggie sandwhichs...no fries or anything left to eat in the cafeteria. I was planning to go home but I felt really odd and faint..I wasn't sure if food was the solution but I thought it was a good guess. I ended up with gross old/cold hash browns in cold gravy. I'm still eating them mind you *sigh* It seems I keep blowing everything. I want to be better..but I don't ever seem to have the time to devote to it ~ladymoon~ Current mood:  dunno.
I can't explain what an ultimate let down it is I almost feel like I may as well be dead because I've already seen everything I want and I can't have any of it. ~ladymoon~ It seems the most I can ever hope for is mediocrity..maybe slightly above....oooo don't get greedy ~ladymoon~ Current mood:  hungry and fat yayhoo.
Don't go see Elizabeth town..no matter how much you think you might want to.. then again if you're into long drawn out close ups of orlando bloom put to boring music*I'll assume it was supposed to be artistic and emotional* then maybe it is for you. I think this vision was WAY too personal of one to get across to other people. I didn't..no I COULDN'T identify with ANY of the characters or ANY of their actions/thought patterns. It was all very random badly planned and poorly poorly poorly executed!! BUT... I got to hang with Katie and I haven't seen her in forever so it was cool. hehe..PLUS we went to bulk barn. cool times. I work tonight and I have ALOT of work to do in the next few weeks guess what .. I haven't even started p.s. tomorrow I will be ODD AND OLD...how gutwrenching ~ladymoon~ Current mood: don't wanna go to freakin work.
few people have made me want to throw up out of both pleasure and pain ..... bravo ~lin~ Current mood:  dead.
People say Hate is a strong word..but isn't Love a strong word to? why is it more acceptable for me to say I love someone then for me to say I hate them? Why do I feel that maybe I don't Hate anyone..do I have too strong a definition of Hate in my mind ..thus causeing fear at using it improperly? If Love is the direct opposite of Hate..wouldn't it be equal in force and definition on the opposite side of the spectrum? Is dislike more of what we have in mind as the opposite to Love? If so..what does that mean for love? is it lessened as a passion? Or is it again simply a fear of feeling something passionately that is to be negative? Can real love exist without hate? good cannot exist without bad....right? Can we feel pleasure without pain. Love without hate? Maybe it's not that we can't experience one without the other..but that we cannot appreciate and value those things without the opposites to deny us of them every now and then.... ~ladymoon~ Current mood:  contemplative.
I can keep living I mean I'm still breathing but I'm also still thinking about you and how great every second near you is and how much I want to hear you speak low and smoothe like you do, every second of the day. you lucky jerk.. I'm sure you're not oblivious to what you do to me ~ladymoon~ Current mood:  blushy and sick to my tummy.
Everything is fuckin taunting me!!! ~ladymoon~ |
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